How do I express sarcasm in non-dialogue text when writing a fiction novel?

“I am, as I believe we have established already, a cat.”

May stared down at her mug, half-expecting to see some strange brew of raw magical essence. Ordinary tea filled an ordinary china cup. She took a deep breath, then swallowed the liquid. Nothing in particular happened. “Thank you,” Spencer said. “Now, off you go.”

“Yes?”

What can I do to deal with disrespectful children?

So I’m not sure that you can have “sarcasm in non-dialogue text,” as sarcasm is generally defined in terms of something you say or express…or perhaps I’m just not getting what you’re trying to ask.

“The Eye.”

I’m not really sure how you’d convey sarcasm without dialogue, since sarcasm is, by its nature, intrinsically wedded to dialogue. It’s a form of expression.

Is it true that most women like alpha males?

“No.”

Serene raised her hand. “I don’t think this is a good—”

“May,” Serene said, “I can’t—”

The International Boxing Association said that Khelif and Lin competing in Paris Olympics were disqualified from the tournament for testing positive for XY chromosomes which give an unfair advantage in the women’s division. What do you think?

I’m…hmm. I’ve seen this question float through my feed a couple of times now, and I’m still not quite sure I understand what you’re asking.

“What do you need me to do?” May said.

“Oh, I get it! You’re being snarky.”

What would happen if the Soviet Union had simply annexed Manchuria after World War 2 or kept it independent as a puppet state allied them and separate from China as China was too weak too oppose it anyway?

“What other things?”

Sarcasm is, almost by definition, dialogue. In fact, Merriam-Webster defines it as:

“Right. The Eye. Why can’t you just teleport me there?”

Do you have any opinion on Japanese writer/actor Yukio Mishima?

“You see?” Spencer’s voice came. “My logic is beyond reproach. Iris is too important to the future of the Guild to risk. Dia and Janet likewise. The other students lack May’s outside perspective, so they are less likely to succeed. May is the right choice: expendable, but still just capable enough to make victory possible.”

Cambridge Dictionary concurs:

“Ah, forgive me once again. May, I would consider it a personal favour if you might consider doing a small task for me.” Spencer’s voice carried a note of supercilious sarcasm. “You might not die.”

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“Advanced what?” She picked up speed, finding as she raced along the sidewalk that her legs didn’t tire, her lungs didn’t burn. “Is that a thing?”

Serene’s face hardened. “I see. In any event, as long as he remains connected to it, I cannot escape. You need to break his connection.”

“You could at least try to sugar-coat it a bit,” May grumbled.

How do flat Earthers explain the existence of other spherical planets?

“Fine.” May rose from the small table. “The hard way it is.”

“Did you know they would try to grab me?”

“I’m a cat.”

Are you happy with your life?

“I’m still not entirely clear on what you want me to do.”

“Good heavens.” Annoyance touched Spencer’s voice. “We can’t be expected to figure out everything! You’ll have to work that bit out. Please, drink your tea.”

“Okay, okay, you don’t have to rub it in.” May ran a hand through her hair. “What do I need to do?”

I have the power to talk to aliens through using telepathy. Why do people think I'm crazy?

“Lord Dormer is personally overseeing this attack on my mind,” Serene said. “He appears to be directly coupled to the accumulator. I do not know why he is not using more of the stored power within it.”

“I can answer that,” May said. “They’ve already used most of that energy for something else. We still don’t understand exactly what. A directed spell of some sort, focused through a human sacrifice.”

the use of remarks that clearly mean the opposite of what they say, made in order to hurt someone's feelings or to criticize something in a humorous way

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“I didn’t realise you were so sarcastic.”

“How?”

“I cannot see the future.” A hint of impatience coloured Spencer’s voice. “At the moment, I think the task at hand is rather more pressing than the past.”

This is a real question: Why do a lot of men/boys hate (yes, hate) women that voice their criteria in choosing a partner? Even when the criteria is sane and responsible. Besides it being, sadly, an effective mating strategy, why does it exist?

A moment later, the barrage ended. The dome, now considerably smaller than it had been, faded from view. That sense of presence returned to the statue. “I’m terribly sorry.” Spencer’s voice sounded thinner, somehow, weaker in May’s ears. “This situation is an intolerable nuisance. May, I wonder if we might impose on you to help save Serene’s life and ensure the future of the Guild? I wish I could say you’ll be fine, but I’m afraid the odds are rather good that you’ll die.”

“What?”

“There are currently some…complications. The Adversary has created a significant intrusion into this space, territory they control. Their presence is, and I do not say this lightly, quite painful. I have done the best I can.”

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a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain.

“Right. Okay. Focus.” She hurried along, trotting through the London that was not London, surrounded by phantasmagorical impressions of people that flitted around her in silence. “So how does this work? Is this, like, a real-time simulation? Are those weird blurs actually people in the real London right now? If someone were walking down this street in real London, would they see people where I see those—whatever they are?”

“Ordinarily I would say yes, but as the Adversary continues to gain ground in this space, I find myself increasingly constrained. I fear you will need to make your own way.”

Why does it smell so bad? I noticed that when I move around my vagina has a stench. It’s usually a wet liquid, almost like pee. There’re little to no discharge and it doesn’t hurt or itch.

“I hardly think this is the time for a lesson on the mathematics of planar resonance in advanced multidimensional thaumaturgy.”

“Can’t you just, like, blink me directly to where I need to be?” May said.

“The Adversary has placed sentries of a sort,” Spencer’s voice announced, “which I expect will grow more numerous as you get closer.”

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“Good luck.” Serene stood. They embraced for a moment, then the air sizzled, the diagram flared, and May found herself standing, shuddering and queasy, at the foot of the skyscraper. She set out down the street in the strange twilit gloom of Spencer’s imaginary London, toward the scribble of the Thames and the sinister whirligig of the London Eye.

Spencer sighed, the sound coming from the air itself. “It’s not really tea, of course. It’s the tangible representation, within this space, of a spell. Specifically, a spell that will allow you to communicate with Serene from wherever you are, among other things.”

“In that case, lemme have it.”

“If you must know,” Spencer said in a tone that suggested she didn’t, “it will allow Serene to see through your eyes and utilise you as a conduit for her spellcasting abilities. If you please.”

“Your objection is noted,” Spencer said. “If we may move on to the important bit of this conversation, I would be appreciative if you might make your way over to the Eye and see if you might sabotage or otherwise distract our opponents long enough for Serene to shake off this bothersome spell that’s trying to eat its way into her mind. I would do it myself, but as you can see, I’m a bit busy maintaining this place and limiting the Adversary’s access, though I will confess to some consternation at the effectiveness with which they’ve made their way in. It must be convenient to have access to a source of energy more powerful than anything ever recorded in the history of magic. Crude, our opponents, but highly effective. Anything can be weaponized if you put enough force behind it.”

In our upcoming novel London Under Veil, Eunice and I have a character who’s quite sarcastic:

“So hey, about that.” May followed the street along the bank of the river. Strange blurred figures walked along the sidewalk with her, looming threateningly over her, dim and amorphous save for their hands and legs. She shivered as she made her way around them. In the street, suggestions of cars screamed by, much too fast, as vague and indistinct as the walking figures except for the noise and stench they left in their wake. “That night you followed me home from the club…”

“Think of something. Make it good, or all is lost.”

May jumped. “Don’t sneak up on a girl like that! You almost scared me out of my skin.”

“Ah, of course. Listen, this is your space, or alternate reality, or dream, or whatever the hell it is, right? You’ve already zapped me around from place to place. Why am I hoofing it to wherever it is I’m going?”

“But I can,” May said. “You helped me out when I was in a bind, and you didn’t even know me. Besides, Spencer’s right.”

“So sorry to disturb you,” Spencer said. “I thought you’d want to be informed of potential threats ahead. If I’ve misjudged, please don’t hesitate to let me know.”